Monday, March 3, 2014

I'm Not A Princess. I'm A Queen.

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
 -Agnes Repplier

Growing up, I read all the fairy tales. They all sort of turned out the same: a girl is down on her luck, finds the perfect dreamboat guy, and all her problems are miraculously solved.

The problem was, as a teenager, I felt about as down on my luck as a girl could get. I can't tell you how many nights I spent wallowing in self-pity as I flipped through the yearbook, longing for the perfect boy hiding in its pages to come sweep me off my feet. (Or wheels... whatever! :p )

"Why am I not good enough? Why am I not beautiful like ____? Why doesn't ______ like me?"

I was spiraling into a really dark place. My family, as far as I could tell, had no idea. I tried to hide my inner turmoil. I didn't want them to be disappointed that boys didn't ask me out, or that I had crushes that were never reciprocated.

Then one day, I woke up.

I remember the moment vividly, I was sitting in my room listening to India Arie's 'Video'. And the lyrics played:

"I'm not the average girl from your video. And I ain't built like a supermodel. But I learn to love myself unconditionally, because I am a queen."

It was then I realized, I don't want to be a copy of anyone else. I don't want to be a interchangeable 'video' girl. I don't want that fairy tale story, if it means the end is already written for me. I am my own hero. I don't want a man to 'save' me.

My story was not -and IS not- complete yet. My destiny depends on MY decisions. At the end of the day, I am the only person who has to deal with me every moment of every day. I needed to focus on loving myself.

And I did.

Once I learned to stop searching for external gratification, love, and happiness. I found the brightest light inside myself. I learned that I have the power to be happy, and no one can take that away from me.

Yes, I have bad days. I am not always the person I wish that I was in terms of having a perfect attitude. But I know that if I work hard enough on becoming more positive, I will eventually evolve into a happier person.

Hopefully, that will allow me to help others discover a greater self-love. 





57 comments:

  1. Very interesting and inspiring post. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. So inspiring! Happiness is the key and I am happy reading your post. Do you mind if I share links of your blog to friends?

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  2. The true secret to happiness. An inspiring thought.

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  3. Hey you know what? Youre absolutely right. Once I read this childrens book called How to Be A Perfect Person... it was so profound, even to my childhood mind. Perfection is ridiculous. I love unique. The collaboration of amazing character traits that define us as individuals. I see your picture and youre beautiful, both in heart and physically. Your husband is a very lucky fellow. He also shared that today is your birthday so Happy Birthday!! Keep being positive, even in small ways, because like the great Gandalf the Wizard said in so many words, its the tiny acts of random kindness that bring light to the world. A room can be pitch dark, but only the tiny flame of a match can illuminate. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the world, and have an amazing day!

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    1. Thank you!! Hearing from all of you on my blog has made this THE best birthday. And I love the Gandalf quote :)

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  4. What an eye opening read! You are such a beautiful person, please keep sharing your thoughts :)

    - Chris

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    1. Thank you so much! You are too sweet! I will keep writing!!

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  5. I really needed to hear this today! You remind me a lot of my mother in law. She is one of the most insightful women I know. She continues to remain positive after dealing with MS for 20 years. Im fortunate to get to sit with her in some of the moments she is feeling down, and I feel fortunate to read what you've shared in this post

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    1. Thank you so much! And that's awesome that you have someone like your mother in law in your life. She sounds like a fantastic, inspiring woman!!

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  6. Someone started cutting onions as I was reading this....very well written post!

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  7. You're awesome! =)

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  8. Thank you for sharing!! :]

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  9. Wow, This was exactly what I needed to start my day! It really helped lift my spirits after the miserable Monday I had yesterday. Keep up the great work!!

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    1. Thank you for reading!! Hope the rest of your day is wonderful!

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  10. Thanks for this. My daughter sometimes has a hard time because she is 10 years old and slightly heavy, despite being a very active child (she does dance and Tae Kwon Do) she knows that sometimes her friends make comments when she's just out of earshot. I try to tell her that they just don't understand, and they don't know what beauty is, and that they don't know how easy it is to hurt people deeply. But it still hurts.
    I will make sure she reads your blog!

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    1. Words do hurt! They always will. BUT the difference is when you make a decision to clean up those wounds and be proud of who you are!!

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  11. You are awesome, keep at this Blog

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  12. The first thing I thought of when I saw your title was a little something I saw on reddit this week. It was a Scumbag Stacy meme with the captions reading something akin to: ''she wants me to treat her like a princess, but she won't treat me like a wizard.''

    I hope you get a laugh out of that one, but I don't see it as a joke exclusively. Let me explain. Me and my girlfriend have got a thing we share with you. We don't have muscular dystrophy, we don't ride around in wheelchairs, but we were similarly unhappy in high school. We're 29 now and have been together since we were both 20. When we look back at our high school years, we both still feel weird about the way others treated us. We were either ridiculed or ignored. We belonged with very few others. In my yearbook, I was voted weirdest. While I recognize that I was in many ways different from my peers, I wish they had taken more time to get to know me and find similarities. Those years are gone now for all of us, including you.

    We learn a lot about ourselves and others when we relegated to the out-group. Me and my girlfriend, we've dealt with our grief in a special way. We seek to make each day into our fantasy. By this, I don't mean to ignore reality. I mean to transform it. My day is greater because I strive to put value in what I do. I give my tasks greater importance by visualizing what mean to me and what I can accomplish through them. By decluttering my desk, I see the comfort and great freedom it will bring me. By picking up pieces of trash on the side of the road, I visualize what I can make with it, or how much better the street will look.

    This is simple stuff, but it can be a powerful tool. You can even push it further. You can look at food as stats and stamina boosts, exercise as leveling up, tasks as quests or mini-quests. Some people try to survive life until their next vacation in the Bahamas, we strive to make each day in our house an adventure in our own little paradise.

    For this reason, I am a stay at home boyfriend. My girlfriend is the bread winner in our couple and we realized there was no point to me working for anyone but us. I take care of most of the decoration and amelioration and keep the house a fluffy clean place to dream big. I create jewelry and furniture with used products and try to generally ameliorate our quality of life how I can. I am cracking such a smile right now!

    Jennifer, you don't have to be a queen to love yourself. You can just be the Best You that you can. I'm sure that the best you would be a great person to be around. :)

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think the attitude that you have is perfect. You are creating your own destiny and that is amazing. And the scumbag stacy thing did make me laugh! lol!!

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  13. You are such an incredible inspiration! The world will always have your back. Keep sharing your story because many people will benefit from your positive outlook on life. Much love.

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    1. Thank you so much!!! I am so thankful this blog has reached so many today!!! It means a lot!!

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  14. 'Once I learned to stop searching for external gratification, love, and happiness. I found the brightest light inside myself. I learned that I have the power to be happy, and no one can take that away from me.'

    Just wanted to say I've just come through a really rough breakup, and I really needed to hear this today. Thank you so much. xxx

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    1. I'm so glad that you were able to get something from my post. Thank you so much for reading and I wish you the best!!!

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  15. You're a great writer and it seems like an even better person! Happy birthday :)

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  16. Great post! Can't wait to follow your day-to-day musings.

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  17. Hey! Happy Birthday! Also, I believe that you may find this youtube channel interesting:

    http://www.youtube.com/user/Kemetprince1

    Ralph reminds me of you sometimes.

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  18. When I was growing up I had a super hard time being happy with things as well. I was transgender and dying inside; never feeling beautiful enough, etc. To keep a long story short, I finally found a way to love myself and be everything I needed to be. I'm glad your journey has put you in such a place. It's super hard to overcome stuff sometimes.

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    1. It definitely is. And that is so inspiring that you found a way out of that dark place and found a way to love yourself. Thank you for sharing!

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  19. Happy birthday!

    This reminded me of your above journey
    https://medium.com/best-thing-i-found-online-today/52bc4be9e7c1

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  20. Vegan redditor here. Just wanted to say that your blog is great and that I hope you have a lovely birthday! Go get em girl!

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  21. Great post and great response from Frederick! You have yourself a wonderful birthday now and continue writing ~

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  22. I was coming here in the first place just to wish an happy birthday. Because someone apparently thinks that you're really a special and worthy person. So why not ?

    Then i read this text.

    It's really strange, and i don't usually believe in signs.
    But i'm 35 years old now and my whole life has been a struggle with myself especially because i hate the person i am, and these last few months have been particularly hard for my self-esteem which was already low.
    These lines are really inspirational and meaningful, including the ones from Frederick. I don't think i'll ever love myself but i begin to understand only now that i can't find my self-esteem in the eyes of someone else.

    Thanks for your words

    and happy birthday too ;)

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    1. Wow. That just made my day. I am so glad that you stumbled upon my story. I know sometimes it seems like when things get tough, they may never improve. But just remember, every moment you are breathing you have a chance to change the course of your life. You can make it through this!!

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  23. Happy birthday to you! How beautiful you are!

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  24. I'm currently studying to become a therapist. My mother has been disabled for 10 years now and turns 53 this month. I've learned that how you view yourself is one of the more important things being disabled, a good attitude goes a long way. You've got an amazing support system and a wonderful view on life. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something, and keep writing!

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    1. I will! And happy birthday (month) to your mother!!

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  25. Happy birthday! Keep writing and be happy :)

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  26. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I love how you describe your realization that you can be perfect and beautiful in your own unique way. You have a lovely writing style.

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  27. You're absolutely right, self love and acceptance should be there before we go looking for it from external sources.. I love your writing style..Just wanted to say thanks for penning these down, I enjoyed reading them! Oh and happy birthday :)

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read them!! It has been a wonderful bday!

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  28. Happy birthday!

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  29. What beautiful words! You are an incredible writer, I am definitely adding your blog to my reader. Hope you have a special birthday, and know that your words touched someone halfway across the world in New Zealand. All the best xx

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    1. Thank you! That is so awesome!! My birthday has been amazing thanks to all of you guys!!

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