Saturday, November 22, 2014
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Saturday, November 15, 2014
- Overly emotional
- Overly sensitive
Saturday, November 8, 2014
"Give your heart then change your mind. You're allowed to do it. 'Cause God knows it's been done to you, and somehow you got through it."
-John MayerIn July of 2011 I was a wreck. I had just quit the WORST job I'd ever had at a call center. I was a ball of nerves, not knowing when I would find another job. I was 20 years old, my husband was working part time, and I was terrified that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills. I made it my full-time duty to do nothing but apply for jobs. I composed the fanciest resume I could assemble and spread it faster than Ebola (too soon?).
Then, it happened. I got a call from the PERFECT job. A Dermatology clinic offering full-time office work in the insurance department. So I sent my nicest, professional clothes with my husband on his way to the laundromat. I immediately began rehearsing the answers to common interview questions. I was going to nail this interview. It was as if my life depended on it, and in all honesty, at that point I felt that it did.
The interview went fantastic. The managers and doctor were so nice and they seemed to be willing to trust a 20-year-old with some major responsibility, which was a first when it came to other office interviews.
I remember asking, "So, do you know when applicants will be told who was selected for the position."
"Oh you'll -er, they- will find out today. For sure."
Luckily, I had parked a good distance from the building, because the moment the car door closed I did the most passionate victory dance of my life. There was far too much jiggle involved for human consumption, let me just say that.
My phone was glued to my hand. I swear I didn't even eat that day. I just stared at my phone. After two hours, it rang, and I was in such an odd combination of anxiety and excitement that I almost forgot how to answer. My verbal skills came back quickly though, just in time for me to accept the job.
I trained diligently for the first week and was astonished by how much I loved what I was doing. I had finally found, what I thought at the time, was my career for life. I went from Insurance clerk to Insurance Coordinator. And for a long time I was content with this.
But then it changed. Actually, I changed.
As I grew up and learned more about what I felt was my life purpose, I realized that I couldn't stay at the job forever. Although it was a job that I enjoyed and I was pretty darn good at it, I realized I had grown as much as I could grow there. I wanted a fresh taste of life, learning, and a new journey to mastery. I wanted to get out and have a bigger impact on lives while I had the chance.
Now, starting December 3rd, I get my shot at it. I begin my new job at a local substance abuse support center. I am absolutely overjoyed! I have decided that my goal is to become a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. Can you imagine the impact I could have on people?! Just the thought of helping someone cope with the struggles of addiction is exhilarating! Step one of accomplishing this goal is getting my associates degree, which, turns out will be more expensive than I hoped. According to FAFSA, I am not eligible for grants and my "Estimated Family Contribution" is way higher than I could ever pay out of pocket, so I am going to be forced to take out loans. Which, in all honesty, is really scary to me. Sure it's risky...
But you have to take risks to truly live.
You see, when I started at the dermatology clinic, it was absolutely PERFECT for where I was in my life at the time. But, my life has evolved and and so has my attitude, my mind, and my goals. And even though I, at one time, gave my heart to that job, my heart's needs have changed and it's time to move on.
And that's ok.
Don't ever think that you are forever indebted to any situation, job, or relationship simply because at one point it was everything you needed or wanted in life. You don't have to spend the rest of your life 'paying off' the happiness that you received from things or people. You have a right to be happy today.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
"Our life always expresses the
result of our dominant thoughts."
Receiving twelve calls from people asking me to fix their mistakes? It feels good to be needed. I'm glad people see me as someone they can call to help them out.
Having to wait 10 extra minutes because my husband had to work a little longer before picking me up? Hey that's extra money on his paycheck! And the fresh air feels great!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
I just think, of all the characters in the show, his is the best. Not just because he is a "good guy" or even because he's a bad ass. But because as you watch, you see his character grow. You see Daryl become the hero he was meant to be. He is a hardcore walker slayer with a soft heart that crumbles at the thought of someone getting hurt. He is incorruptible, even though he has been surrounded by corruption his entire life.
I know most people don't watch The Walking Dead because of its reality. But, I do. And of all the characters, Daryl is the most authentic.
Daryl teaches you not only how to be a sick zombie slayer, but to be a better person? Don't believe me? Read on!
1. Family is first. No matter what.
Daryl's brother Merle was a jerk. Yes, I am aware this is the understatement of the century. But jerk was the nicest adjective I could use. Not only was Merle a slimy, perverted, foul-mouthed, drug user. He also betrayed the "group" multiple times. He never made decisions to help his brother or the rest of the group. Merle only made decision for Merle. Still, at the end of the day, when Merle is sent away from the prison, Daryl is right there with him. Daryl had FINALLY found his brother again. And he is willing to risk his life to make sure he has his back. Daryl knows that Merle is a ticking time-bomb, but he has to give him a chance. Why? Because that's his brother. And to Daryl, family is above all else.
It's important to remember that when the world is caving in, the only stronghold you may have of your past normalcy are those people with whom you experienced it. Those bonds are forever.
2. Family doesn't always mean you are related.
Now, I told you Merle was a jerk. I meant in. Like, remember when he kidnapped Michonne? Daryl vows to go after Merle alone. He doesn't want Rick or any of the others at the prison to risk their lives because his brother went nuts. He tells Rick, "You're family too." In a sense, Rick was more family that Daryl ever experience with Merle. Rick cared. Rick listened. Rick protected. While Merle may have been blood relation, Rick would always be family to Daryl.
If you can find more truth, love, and companionship with ANYONE, that makes them family forever.
3. You don't always have to share your opinion.
While Daryl is one of the most important characters on The Walking Dead, he really doesn't have many lines. He observes. He tracks. He listens. While he does have an opinion on some major decisions within the group, he sometimes seems to clam up. Is that because he doesn't care? No. It means he is thoughtful enough to realize that he DOESN'T truly have all the answers. And he can't really make an informed decision until he collects more information by, you guessed it, observing!
Sometimes, it's best just to zip your lip. If you don't have all of the available information, how can you really have a strong opinion about something? Don't be pushover who never speaks up- but don't be so quick to scream the loudest if what you're saying has no facts behind it.
4. If you know someone is wiser than you, it's okay to let them hold the reigns.
Multiple times throughout the series, Daryl assures people that they can trust Rick.
"He's done alright by me."
"Rick has honor."
Daryl respects and admires Rick. He knows Rick makes mistakes sometimes, but he also knows that at the end of the day, Rick is a good, intelligent man. It's OK to not be the ringleader all the time. When it comes to going on runs, Daryl takes the reigns- because that's what he knows.
Like Daryl, you should be confident to take control in areas you know. But, if someone else is wiser than you, it's acceptable to let them guide you.
5. Don't count on getting debts repaid.
Daryl does a lot of things for almost EVERYONE on the show. He is willing to kill walkers, go on runs, hunt, track, a myriad of treks. He is even willing to do some totally unnecessary things- like going on a run looking for booze so Beth can have her first drink. Even though he is willing to do all of these things, he NEVER asks anyone for anything. And it's not like he's sitting against a dead walker pouting about it. He doesn't want anything in return.
We should all try and be selfless like that. Shove that tiny voice down that whispers, "Maybe they will pay me back for this later." If you aren't willing to give or serve graciously without expecting a reward, don't even bother. Give and serve without expectations.
6. Letting people in is scary, but rewarding.
It is perfectly clear that Daryl isn't one for sharing his back-story. But, it is evident he has a huge heart. For example, when he and Beth are in the shack with the moonshine they begin sharing little details about themselves. Beth asks Daryl if he has ever been to jail and Daryl gets EXTREMELY offended. He starts breaking glasses and screaming about her misjudgment. But, once he collects himself he realizes something. He realizes the only reason these incorrect assumptions have been made is because he never talked about himself. With anyone. He never let anyone in. So, after his meltdown, he gives us a tiny glimpse at his back-story. And you can see he visibly appears happier. Lighter, even.
Sometimes, we get weighed down by the heaviness in our hearts. We all have tragedy and we all have darkness. But if we never share that burden with another person, we are wearing down on ourselves. Let some of your darkness escape to make room for the light that comes from having a relationship with another!
7. Always have hope.
This pretty much sums it up... when Sophia was missing, Daryl went to Carol and said this:
"It's a Cherokee Rose. The story is that when American soldiers were moving Indians off their land on the Trail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were grieving and crying so much 'cause they were losing their little ones along the way from exposure and disease and starvation. A lot of them just disappeared. So the elders, they said a prayer; asked for a sign to uplift the mothers' spirits, give them strength and hope. The next day this rose started to grow where the mothers' tears fell. I'm not fool enough to think there's any flowers blooming for my brother. But I believe this one bloomed for your little girl."
The world was literally being eaten alive, and Daryl still found a beautiful sign that hope exists. There is always a "Cherokee Rose" in every situation. Don't give up.
8. Sometimes you have to walk away from those you love.
Okay, okay. Sorry, guys. Back to Merle. Remember when Daryl left Merle to head back to the prison? There was no doubt that Daryl loved Merle. But, after awhile Merle's reckless toxicity was beginning to wear on Daryl. At that point, he knew that Merle was strong enough to survive on his own (after all he had been doing it for about a year already). But Daryl also knew that by being with Merle instead of at the prison, he was essentially putting a lot of lives at risk. Who else would be able to track as well as he did? Who else could make a solo run into a busy town with nothing but a hunting knife, a bow, and 3 arrows? Who else would risk their lives day after day (and get shot in the process) to find a little girl that everyone else had given up on? No one. No one but Daryl.
He was tired of being disrespected and mistreated by Merle, too. Which is what led him to say, "I may be the one walking away, but you're the one who's leaving."
Loyalty is important, yes. But there comes a time when you have to evaluate all relationships. Even those with people you truly love. If it is toxic, dangerous, and reckless, it's time to get out. And that's okay. I'm not saying shut out that person forever. What I'm saying is, you have to be brave enough to draw the line somewhere. Your happiness, at the end of the day, only depends on you. Are you happy with all the relationships in your life?
9. You are not where you came from.
Daryl was raised by the same family as Merle. So, you would think their morals would be really similar. But, that couldn't be farther from the truth. Daryl didn't become a victim of his upbringing like Merle did. He didn't become a product of a rough youth. He emerged from that, used the survival skills he was forced to acquire, and made something of himself. He made himself the hero.
Don't ever for a second think that you have nothing to offer because of where you came from.
10. Crossbows are awesome.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Time is a shadow, always one step behind.
She whispers her lie, "I will always be here."
Until you don't see her when the sun turns you blind.
Even in darkness, she sits at the foot of your bed.
But how do you sleep when her breath smells like summer?
And she gently coaxes her fingers through the hair on your head.
People told you she's fleeting, but you turned a deaf ear.
Still, you empty your closet. You shackle her ankles inside.
Promptly at dawn you share tea with her, year after year.
But still, there is one day that starts just like the last,
Only you wake to find your closet is an empty prison cell.
You have no future, no present, you are left only with the past.
Your blindness and deafness left you crippled with fear.
And what did you do with your moments with Time?
Somehow, you forgot the true reason she was here.